Night Life [2023]

2022 was a sea of deception and disillusionment. It was constant. A current that my powers couldn’t prevent, that is, until they could. In this life, on our collective journey, all I want to reach is what ultimately we all desire: happiness. There are moments that reveal to us these possibilities, and we become enveloped in them (or if you’re a scorpio, obsessive), praying that that moment, or that person, is the answer to all of our wishes.

In June 2022 I decided to dig within, because if there’s anything that I have learned in this life so far, if there is anything my parents taught me, it’s that we have within us the answers to our own blessings. I opened my eyes. If my constant deception followed me like hurricanes follow clouds, I had to created my own refuge.

When the shortest relationship of my life didn’t work out (2 months to be exact), I thanked God for saving me time. My decision to move forward was a testament to all that I’ve learned. But boy did I want everything to work out. You know me, typical hopeless romantic shit. In the end my gut pushed me to distance myself from the distractions and to focus on myself— like, really focus. I started going to the gym. I worked over the summer and saved money. I spent the latter half of 2022 taking care of myself, my inner child, and clearing my mind and body of all toxins (yes, no more alcohol… yes, only during special occasions).

And now we are here. This image attached to my post is a simple moment, yet a moment I only found myself in because of this newness I’ve found within. This softness.

After a housewarming I was invited to in Queens, a friend I made that same night and I decided to go to a coffeeshop, La Abunbdancia (The Abundance). Me? At a coffeeshop after midnight? Who have I become? No shots at midnight and a hangover that lasted two days? Well, yes. Me at a coffeeshop in NYC at midnight, and it was simply everything. We had coffee and pan de bono (a type of Colombian bread with cheese). There was soft salsa playing in the background, people entering and leaving. Children waiting for their share of bread while their parents waited at the door. Two more girlfriends joined us. Never in my life had I left a party sober and with a desire to just drink some coffee and chat. My 21 year old self would have yelled “BORING” at the idea. And let me tell you, there is something magical about spaces that remind me of who I truly am, my inner roots.

The ladies and I talked about love. Friendship. Goals. Fears. Of what it means to be a woman and say the words, “I love you.” 4 women, one table, and a lot of wisdom, all during the crack of a new day: midnight.

This year I want more nights like this. Soft ones. Natural ones. Intentional ones. I desire friendship with intention. Friendship that lasts. The kind where we do not judge, we listen, we understand, and are present. I desire a life of learning and growth.

Nights like these give me a clarity that no trip, dance, or drink can give me. Nights like these are refreshing. They’re right around the corner from all of us and don’t cost a damn thing.